Thursday, May 1, 2014

swim lessons.

I've never been much of a swimmer.
Maybe that's why the thought was so laughable.
So shocking.

I wish I could be out there surfing those waves…

And I meant it too.
Something inside of me was so absolutely dissatisfied simply standing on the beach watching.
The waves on the North Shore of Oahu are astounding.  Breathtaking.
And it's fascinating to watch surfers glide through the pipe that forms as the water turns over itself.

But standing there on the shore, my heart was numb to it.
I couldn't seem to connect.
I wasn't in awe.
It was as if I had no breath in me to be taken away.

And it hurt, watching like that.
It ached, the emptiness.

And I was disappointed.
I'd felt so much anticipation.
Expected so much.
Was I really going to have come all this way only to be reminded that I didn't have what it takes?
Surrounded by so much beauty, yet stuck outside of it all?

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I remember being a little girl, watching the big kids in the deep end of our community swimming pool.
Splashing and laughing.
They were having the time of their lives.

I was on the other side of the pool.
Clinging to the side, only venturing as far as my feet could touch.
Comforted by the safety of a pool noodle.

The other side of the waters felt worlds away.

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There's more to the story.
There always is, isn't there?

I'll give you more details soon, I promise.

For now I will say this:

April was a month of abundance.
A beautiful, beautiful gift.

And May?

Well, May is going to have its own beauty.
One that is going to come with a lot of work.
And a lot of faith.

I was talking to GOD yesterday-- honestly, it was more like whining.
We were talking about all these things I feel called to do.
All these gifts HE has piled in my arms.
All that April has uncovered.

But GOD, I don't know how to swim.

HIS response was simple.

Walking on water requires no swimming.




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