Monday, January 19, 2015

speaking of Daniel.

As I tell our story, I am all the more aware that my eyes can only see most so dimly...
Maybe sometimes the fog is a covering to seal something off, keeping it safe so it can come into full bloom...

I remember sitting in the passenger seat of Robin's suburban outside of the church.  I told her how I had wrestled and prayed and pondered over whether I should consider moving.  I told her how I was confident that I needed to stay... To have faith enough that even here...

She listened, nodded, and then asked me:

"Jenna, is there anyone in Huntsville that you are interested in or that you could even somewhat picture yourself dating?"

Out of nowhere I heard myself speaking:

I've always thought Daniel Bell is real cute.

And then, startled by what I was saying, I rambled on, I mean, I don't know him at all but he seems really nice and I really like his beard but I doubt he is interested in me and I don't even know him.

Well Robin got really excited by this!  You see, she is very close friends with Daniel's sister-in-law, Lindsey, so of course she wanted to see if she could tell Lindsey what I had said.

I told her I didn't mind if she told Lindsey.  I figured they would giggle about it and maybe Lindsey would say something to Daniel and then it would be awkward because I was certain he wasn't interested in me, but I never really interacted with him anyways, so what would that even matter, right?

Go for it.

Well imagine my shock when, days later, Robin pulled me aside to tell me how Lindsey had responded.  Apparently I was a topic that had come up between Daniel and Lindsey before... Apparently Daniel thought that I was beautiful but way out of his league. What?!?

I'm not gonna lie, I felt the stirrings of crazy in me a little in that moment, especially when I thought about how we had been Facebook messaging back and forth a little bit.  The interactions were mostly about my blog and stuff, but he seemed to have been the one to initiate the little conversations, so maybe he was interested?  Maybe?  Honestly, I had gotten myself a little excited about it all.  Then Robin told me that she didn't know this for sure, but he might possibly be dating someone.  Immediately all the crazy came to a halt and the rambling began once more:

Ah, well, it doesn't really matter.  I mean, I don't even know him. I don't know if I'd really want to date him.  We probably have absolutely nothing in common and it would never work anyways.. No worries!

(Oh that resilient defense mechanism of mine...)

A very short-lived illusion of potential.

Or so I thought.
(GOD is pretty sneaky sometimes.)
And life continued on as usual.

Now when I say as usual, it makes life sound a little uneventful and mundane or something.  Quite the contrary!  I was actually in the middle of my crazy little adventure preparing for the North Shore Marathon in Hawaii.  (I wrote about my marathon experience here.)

I was all kinds of free.
All kinds of thriving.
And all kinds of distracted with all the awesome things going on!
I had no need for a guy.
Life was incredible just as it was!

In March, I wrote a blog about my preparations and prayers for the insane undertaking that was quickly approaching.  This particular blog post seemed to spark Daniel's attention because the Facebook messages got a little more frequent and a little more personal.  We started talking about how GOD was working in our lives.  He asked a lot of questions about my upcoming trip, and he told me he would be praying about it all for me.

Now remember, that crazy-girl-mind in me had been squelched pretty quickly a few weeks prior to this, so Jenna Lupo was not getting her hopes up.  I would quickly dismiss any of my curious questioning of his intentions and assumed he was being friendly for friendship's sake.

I think I could tell something was building.
But I was terrified to acknowledge it.

Then came Sunday.
I will never forget the Sunday we passed in the hallway.

I know.  That sounds awfully dramatic for such an insignificant event.  Passing in the hall?!
But it was anything but insignificant.

To everyone else, it was a normal crowded hallway after Sunday school classes.
I don't remember who he was walking with.
I don't remember who I was talking to.

I remember the bright hallway from a sunny Sunday morning.
I remember seeing him approaching from the other direction.
I remember making eye contact.
I remember smiling at him and quietly saying hey.
I remember the way we both seemed to check out of whatever conversations we were having as we walked past... heads still turned toward each other, eyes locked until turning the corner...
Everyone else had disappeared.
It was the most movie-like moment of my entire life.

I think he wanted to talk to me more....

And then I snapped back to reality.

Jenna, that is absolutely ridiculous.  
Don't be a dumb girl.

(Fears and disappointments can make us really mean to ourselves, huh?)

Funny thing:  Daniel totally remembers the Sunday we passed in the hallway too.


  1. No way!!!! You can't leave us hangin' like this! Lol

    1. Haha!! Thanks for reading, Stephanie! I'm working on the next post! Soon!

  2. I love your movie-like hallway part!!